How NOT to construct a cover letter

As you’re aware, this blog is not really about CV’s and cover letters. I’ll leave that to the experts. As I’ve said in previous posts though, the traditional application process is slowly becoming substituted with new, more dynamic job application methods. Social media, and the ‘Y Generation’ are responsible for creating this paradigm shift within the industry. Nonetheless, the CV and cover letter still reign supreme, and therefore its a good idea to hone your skills on these two things for now.

I recently came across a cover letter and video resume in the interwebs which really exhibits ‘how not to put together a job application.’ I felt that I had to publish these.

Below is the cover letter from an American kid looking to work for Goldman Sachs (big surprise!):

My name is Jeremy King. As of this moment you probably have never heard of me before and I accept that, but in five years you will look back unable to imagine life without me. My desire to succeed in the investment industry is beyond comparison and I will not stop working towards this goal until the day my heart stops beating. I would love to say my parents or teachers in the past taught me the value of investments and the proper ways to handle them at a young age, but this would not be the truth. The truth is my mind created the concept before I was even old enough to understand it. At age 6, I would buy candy from Sam’s Club wholesale and trade it in the lunchroom for items several times its value. At age 11, I purchased a $180 TV for my brother and charged him $10 a week for 25 weeks. Even as I write this letter, I’m getting phone calls and text messages from people asking what stocks I put my money in today and where they should put theirs tomorrow. This is the life I live every day but I don’t want to stay like this forever, I want to learn and I don’t want to settle. Goldman Sachs is where I want to work and there’s no alternative in my mind. Allow me this opportunity and I will be the best investor you have ever seen. I will work non stop to make sure Goldman Sachs stays on top for as long as I breathe. I’m not asking you to do this for me, I’m asking you to do this for us.

I do not quit. I will achieve greatness. To me, failure is an opportunity to do better next time and a lesson learned. I do not work for status or prestige, I believe that the only way to true success is perfecting the arts of communication and efficiency both in and out of the workplace. I listen before I judge and I think before I speak; it is these qualities that make up my character and allow me to perform the tasks I take on with greater efficiency than others. Time is precious, sacred perhaps; it is one thing we can never get back and one thing I do not intend to waste. I work well even in an atmosphere of urgency and still understand the important of patience. I am forever learning and I sincerely hope in the near future we can begin to learn from one another.

It just gets better when this chap put forward this ego-centric video resume which ended up going viral on Wall St:


Moral of the story: Let other people shower you with compliments. If you are as good as you say you are, then really YOU should be looking to hire others, rather than be hired yourself